Hell set to freeze over
The Met Office has issued an unprecedented severe weather warning as analysts predict that Hell is likely to freeze over this weekend. In the last few days there have been a number of light morning...
View ArticleHell to adopt austerity measures
Satan has today issued a press release warning that austerity measures might compromise the quality and severity of punishments in hell. Costcutting measures have included halving the number of...
View ArticleCameron promises voters free ice-skating ‘when hell freezes over’
In his pre-election speech to the Tory Party Conference last week, David Cameron promised that all taxpayers would receive free ice-skating passes, just as soon as he and George Osborne had managed to...
View ArticleMan with funny t-shirt collection arrives in Hell
Large crowds have gathered today at Hell’s gates welcoming Louisiana native Mark Casperson, whose vast collection of clothing items bearing humorous inscriptions got the 65 year-old accountant...
View ArticleJudgment Day format ‘similar to job appraisal’, God says
God has confirmed that Judgment Day will take approximately the same format as your recent performance appraisal at work. The only difference, He added, is the outcome: rather than being given a...
View ArticleMan suffers horrific near-death experience as awful deceased relatives...
Barry Haynes, a 53-year-old chartered surveyor from Bromsgrove, has undergone a hideous ordeal in which his heart stopped on the operating table and he was greeted in the world to come by all the...
View Article‘Special place in hell’ to be modelled on European Parliament
Die-hard brexiteers dying without repentance will dwell for all eternity in a hellish simulacrum of the seat of European power, God confirmed today. ‘No-plan-no-dealers had every chance to say sorry’...
View ArticleTusk To Block Free Movement Between Special Place & Other Parts Of Hell
Donald Tusk has been accused of inconsistency after announcing that there is no permitted free movement of people between the special place in Hell reserved for Brexiteers, and the rest of Hell, or the...
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